Grief is one of the few universal experiences we have as people. No matter who you are or what your background is, you will experience loss at some point, which will be followed by a grief process.
This process, however, is deeply personal and doesn’t follow a predictable framework. In a perfect world, you’d have a set timeline and a straight path forward to healing. The reality of grief is that it comes in waves. This ebb and flow can be shocking and throw you off guard.
It’s important to acknowledge that this roller coaster of emotions is normal and natural. Having an understanding of why grief operates this way can help you navigate your situation more successfully.
A Variety of Emotional Triggers
The experience and the details surrounding your loss will dictate much of the grief process. You’ll encounter sights, sounds, and smells that can trigger memories of the person or thing that’s been lost. Important dates, such as birthdays or anniversaries, can also be triggering.
Each of these will be different from situation to situation. When you have more frequent triggers, your grief may hit harder. This can cause a surge of emotions out of nowhere, even when you were feeling fine moments before.
The Brain’s Way of Coping
Grief is an overwhelming emotion and leads to mental fatigue. When you’re faced with a loss, your brain does its best to find ways to cope and make things more manageable.
One day, you may feel like you’re doing okay. The next day, you may feel numb or distracted. Two days later, you may feel completely overwhelmed. These waves of feelings are your brain’s protective mechanism.
The Nature of Love
One way to describe grief is through the lens of love. It can be considered an absence of love or a deep love with nowhere to go. Since real love is long-lasting, this pain you’re feeling can resurface over and over again.
Getting a promotion at work, adding a new member to your family, celebrating a life milestone, or any other significant life event can leave you wishing you could share that with the person who’s gone. During these periods, your grief can reach a higher level. Once the excitement calms, you may return to a lower level of grief.
Healing Is Nonlinear
Grief leaves deep, emotional wounds. Unlike physical wounds, they are much harder to see and heal in unpredictable ways.
As you move through your healing process, you may feel like you’re finally getting some footing when, suddenly, you’re hit by a wave of sadness. Moments like these aren’t steps backward—they are part of the process and are necessary for moving forward.
Changing Perspectives
As time passes from your immediate loss, you may find your ties and relationship to the loss will begin to change. With each step forward, your grief might look different. You might find new meaning in your routine, you’ll learn how to navigate life without the person or thing you’ve lost, and a piece of you will have transformed.
New seasons bring new milestones. Certain triggers may no longer apply the same way they used to. For example, a familiar scent may not bring on an onset of sadness, but maybe an anniversary still does.
Finding the Path to Healing
Grief needs to be treated with grace, compassion, and patience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, just as there is no cookie-cutter path to find healing. It’s a journey that will bring you ups and downs.
If your grief is consuming you or interfering with your overall quality of life, help is available. Through grief counseling, you can learn how to best cope with your emotions and develop a newfound sense of joy. Contact us today to learn more.