Do You And Your Partner Have Trouble Talking About Sex?

Are you seeking deeper connection and intimacy with your partner? Have you been curious about incorporating new elements—including kinks, fetishes, or other people—into your sex life together? Do you want to enhance your sexual connection by facilitating more trust and open, honest communication about your desires?

couple sitting in bed hugging each otherYou might find it difficult to discuss sexual fantasies with your partner. Maybe you feel embarrassed, ashamed, or concerned that you will somehow hurt their feelings. Or perhaps you have questions about your sexual identity, whether you are beginning to navigate queer, bisexual, or pansexual attractions, or simply curious about becoming more adventurous in the bedroom. If you grew up in an environment where sex was a taboo topic, it’s possible that you’re struggling to feel confident about exploring—and sharing—your sensuality with others. 

On the other hand, you may have lost interest in sex altogether. Maybe there’s been a decrease in your libido, or you’re experiencing hormonal and emotional changes following a major event like the birth of a child. It’s also possible your sex life has slowed down due to an injury within your relationship. If there has been betrayal or infidelity, one or both of you may feel held back by feelings of anger and inadequacy.

Are Wounds From The Past Impacting Your Ability To Be Intimate?

Alongside relationship-specific issues, there are other factors to consider if you’ve noticed an inability to be sexually intimate. Perhaps you’re a survivor of sexual trauma who has trouble feeling fully comfortable or at ease during sex. Despite wanting to be connected and vulnerable, it’s hard for you to stay present with your partner.

There may also be physical limitations hindering your performance. Perhaps sex is painful for you, or you struggle with erectile dysfunction—yet, unable to identify the connection between your physical symptoms and mental setbacks, you don’t see how counseling with a sex therapist could help. 

But sex therapy is about more than just sex. By addressing your desires openly with a trained therapist, you can enhance your sexual connection and enjoy improvements in all areas of your life and partnership(s).

Shame Keeps Us From Openly Exploring Our Sexuality

Whether we’re willing to admit it or not, most of us struggle with sexual satisfaction at some point. Just as sexual satisfaction leads to increased communication and connection, an unhealthy sex life can deteriorate a partnership. Sexless marriages, infidelity, desire discrepancy, performance anxiety, and insecurities about kinks are all widespread issues among a variety of couples. Still, we often feel embarrassed or unsure of how to address these problems head-on.

So, what drives our shame? A lot of it has to do with a culture that promotes a very narrow view of what’s considered acceptable sex. Cis women have to contend with a society that stigmatizes and discounts their desire, while cis men are often expected to be macho and domineering in the bedroom. Similar norms and stigmas exist in the LGBTQ+ community, as well as any other lifestyle that does not adhere to heteronormative, religious, and non-monogamous standards. Not to mention, in our tech-obsessed society, porn has greatly impacted the way we think about sex and pleasure. 

When we’re conditioned to feel embarrassed by, guilty about, or disconnected during sex, it impacts our ability to communicate openly with our partners. Not only does this keep them from understanding how to satisfy our needs—it also prevents us from being fully aware of what those needs even are. 

Counseling is an all-accepting atmosphere where you and your partner(s) can feel safe and empowered to freely explore your sex life. Working with the sex therapists at Pinkerton Psychotherapy, your relationship can experience revitalized emotional depth, physical intimacy, and satisfaction. 

Sex Therapy Is A Chance To Enhance Every Aspect Of Your Partnership

Since sex tends to be a hushed topic, most of us aren’t given the proper skills and vocabulary to discuss our desires. Therapy is an opportunity to learn these essential skills in service of more effective communication and interconnectedness among partners. 

Our team of culturally aware, unbiased clinicians is here to welcome all elements of your relationship and desire so that you can achieve a greater sense of shared intimacy. 

couple laying in bed

The Process

Once you have been matched with one of our therapists specializing in sex and relationships, you will be asked to fill out a standard intake that will help us tailor counseling sessions to meet your needs. If you’re an individual in sex therapy who wants to explore sensuality, curiosities, or heal wounds from past trauma, you will spend early sessions with your counselor building rapport and establishing goals for treatment. And for couples in sex therapy, you will attend one session together, one session individually as each partner, and then reconvene as a couple for the remainder of counseling. 

Using attachment-based, relationship-specific frameworks, couples in sex therapy will enhance their communication, mutual understanding, and self-awareness. And for individuals and couples alike, our therapists will use tailored methods to help heal trauma and eradicate shame.

Our practice owner, Jennifer Pinkerton, has advanced training in issues of sexual trauma and is in the process of completing her doctorate in clinical sexology. As such, affirmation and sex positivity are foundational elements of our approach. We are poly-friendly, culturally competent kink allies who believe there is nothing pathological about your desires—they are all welcome here. 

Therapy is the first step in overcoming barriers in your sex life and developing heightened intimacy. You can enjoy a truly authentic, vulnerable bond as you cultivate a healthier, more satisfying sex life with your partner(s). 

Still Unsure If Sex Therapy Is Right For You?

My partner and I have stopped having sex—how will therapy help?

Therapy is a chance to remove shame, embarrassment, or judgment from the conversation. By sparking a meaningful discussion with your partner about your sex life, you can better understand one another’s desires and work together on healing the relationship dynamic. Intensifying shared intimacy and connection will help to improve other areas of your partnership, including sexual compatibility and open communication. 

I’m just too embarrassed to talk about sex with a counselor. 

In our practice, sex is not a taboo topic. We will treat you with empathy, acceptance, and encouragement as you develop a deeper awareness of your desires, both individually and as a couple. Counseling is a meaningful first step in demystifying and destigmatizing sex, and you are likely to find the topic increasingly easy to discuss as you develop a safe, trusted connection with your therapist. 

I’m interested in learning new sexual skills—can counseling help?

Some of the shame surrounding sex comes from not knowing how to do certain things, and a lot of our work in therapy will be about giving yourself permission to explore curiosities. We can provide you with clinical instructional guides, models, and manuals to help you better understand sexual organs and how they work. We can also suggest other resources or materials that might enhance your sense of mutual satisfaction. 

couple in bed only feet showing out of blanketEnhance Your Intimacy, Enhance Your Life

Sex is an important part of your relationship. If you and your partner(s) are experiencing barriers in your ability to become physically or emotionally intimate, the therapists at Pinkerton Psychotherapy can help you achieve a more connected, satisfying sex life. Contact us or give us a call at (713) 800 – 6999 to schedule an appointment.

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