If you’ve ever felt like talking to your teen is like talking to a brick wall, you’re definitely not alone. One moment they’re engaged in conversation with you, then the next, you’re met with resistance, eye rolling, one-word responses, and the eventual door slam.
As frustrating as this may be, it’s important to remember that their communication skills are still in development. The actions and reactions you’re seeing are considered a normal part of communication patterns for this age.
Having practical strategies in your toolbox will help you connect with your teen, foster trust, and build mutual respect. Whether you’re looking to navigate school stress, personal relationships, social issues, or just simply getting a “Hello, how was your day?” answered, these tips can help get you on the right track.
Start with Empathy
Teens are at a pivotal point in their development. They’re trying to navigate more complex emotions and social pressures while identifying who they want to be in the world. Add that onto increasing academic, athletic, and extracurricular stresses, and you have quite a bit of chaos.
When conversations begin with parental commands or any type of criticism, it will often lead straight to a shutdown. Instead, approach the situation with empathy over authority. Make reflections based on what they do share with you, even if it’s just noting that you see how this can be frustrating or stressful for them.
Remember, acknowledging feelings doesn’t mean you agree with their every decision. It just ensures they know you’re hearing them.
Choose the Right Timing
The right timing is key to having important or sensitive conversations. If they’re distracted or tired, you’ll be met with resistance. When they’re overly stressed, you’re going to get a heightened response.
Look for calm, low-pressure moments where you have a better chance of succeeding in your efforts. Not only will they be more inclined to open up, but they will also be more likely to listen. Capitalize on private car rides or other times when you’re sharing space.
Listen More Than You Speak
It’s a natural human tendency to want to jump in and offer a response. This applies even more to parents who want to help their kids. Before you barrel in with advice or fixes to their problems, practice active listening.
Maintain eye contact, avoid interrupting their thoughts, and reflect on what they say. This will go a long way in gaining their trust.
Stay Calm During Conflict
Arguments and disagreements are inevitable, especially with a teen. How you choose to respond can make all the difference in your relationship and the outcome of the situation. When you’re in an argument and things start to get heated:
• Don’t be afraid to take a pause. Step away and revisit the conversation later when you’re calm.
• Use “I” statements to de-escalate. “You” statements sound accusatory and will only fuel the fire.
• Model good behavior. If you want them to learn how to regulate their emotions properly, you need to set the example.
Respect Their Independence
The line between being a teen and an adult comes with a certain desire for autonomy. You want them to excel and be successful in their endeavors. The only way for them to learn is to make mistakes. Failures offer a chance for growth.
Respecting their independence, within reasonable boundaries, will increase their willingness to engage with you. Involve them in important decisions and offer chances for them to take ownership. Responsibility will help grow respect.
Consider Turning to a Professional
Communicating with your teen shouldn’t always feel like an uphill battle. With the right tools, you can build a healthy foundation that not only serves your relationship but also carries into future ones.
Our parenting therapy offers a space for you to navigate through your setbacks and establish more effective habits. Contact us today to discover how therapy can help strengthen your relationship with your teen. Contact us today.