What if the chaos you keep choosing feels like love because it’s what you learned in childhood? What if calm feels wrong, not because it is, but because it’s unfamiliar? When early environments are unpredictable, chaotic dynamics can become wired into the nervous system as “normal.” Over time, that wiring turns into core wounds.
In this episode of the Peak Human Labs Podcast, Dr. Sanjeev Goel sits down with psychotherapist and connection expert Jenn Pinkerton to explore how core wounds like abandonment, perfectionism, and not belonging are formed, and how they continue to shape adult life in powerful, often invisible ways.
Jenn breaks down why we’re drawn to the same relationship dynamics over and over, why chaos can feel familiar and even exciting to the nervous system, and why “just think positive” advice rarely works when deeper emotional patterns are at play. She explains how these patterns once served as coping mechanisms, but over time become the very things that limit our fulfillment, connection, and emotional safety.
Together, they dive into practical, approachable ways to begin healing, from inner child work and nervous system regulation to slowing down and building real self-awareness. Through real-life examples, Jenn shows how identifying the story in your head can unlock lasting change without needing to overhaul your entire life.
Whether you’re stuck in repeating relationship patterns, feel blocked in your career, or sense that something unseen is holding you back, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and a hopeful path forward, one grounded step at a time.
For full interview, watch the video below.
Key Takeaways
- Core childhood wounds quietly shape the stories and patterns that run our adult lives.
- Unprocessed emotions live in the nervous system and often show up as stress, symptoms, or unhealthy relationship dynamics.
- What we don’t heal, we unconsciously repeat, confusing familiarity and chaos for love.
- Healing starts with self awareness by noticing repeated thoughts, emotions, and patterns.
- Regulating the nervous system creates the calm needed to break reactive cycles.
- As healing happens, attraction shifts and healthy relationships begin to feel safe and desirable.
- The work is about integration, not erasing your past or changing who you are.